Marital Issues

As mentioned before, things were never great in our marriage.  I had promised to give our marriage a try for a year.  At a year I still felt that we should get a divorce, but David didn't feel that our relationship was bad enough to justify divorce.  I really struggled to keep my heart in the marriage.  I constantly wondered if there was someone else that I had dated that I was meant to be with.  Or someone who was waiting for me.  My heart was never fully committed to the relationship.  

I went through a period of time when I prayed and fasted to love David more.  I would write positive things about him in my journal every day.  He was my best friend, but I just never felt settled in my marriage, I never felt at peace.  At one point I went to some counseling to see if I could work through my issues with our marriage, but it didn't help.  The counselor asked me one time, "when you get to heaven, will you choose to stay married to David for all eternity?"  My answer was no.  So then he asked me why I would fight to save a marriage here that wasn't going to last there.  He had a good point, but I couldn't bring myself to file for a divorce.  

I guess I coped with it by throwing myself 100% into my career and callings.  During that time I served as 1st counselor in the ward Young Women presidency and then as 2nd counselor in the stake Young Women presidency.  One year I was asked to be in charge of stake Young Women camp which was a huge assignment.  I had a lot of fun with it.  I loved the show "Survivor" so we incorporated some challenges into our camp.  

Stake Young Women Presidency



Two of the pictures I sent in for "Survivor"

Yes, I was a fan of  "Survivor."  I actually sent in more than 20 audition tapes.  I also drove down to Las Vegas one time for an open casting call.  The audition was going to be held at a Smith's grocery store.  I wanted to be the first one in line, so the night before, I drove down and slept in a chair in the parking lot.  I was first in line, but it ended up being really lame.  I thought we would actually get to talk to the casting director or someone important, but we just stood in front of a camera and told why we thought we would be good for the show.  I was disappointed and never even got a phone call.  

During that time David and I were also asked to serve as "Ma and Pa" for pioneer trek.  I did a ton of research about people who had come across the plains. I sat and cried as I read their stories of faith and sacrifice.  There were supposed to be 2 separate families of youth from our ward on trek, but the day before we left, the brother of the other ma passed away, so we ended up with all of the youth in our family.  It was a beautiful experience.  

Eventually, I figured I would never be brave enough to go through with a divorce, so I pursued my dream to become a mom.  After 5 years of infertility, David and I decided we would adopt.  



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